maddiecat

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maddiecat

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16092
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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maddiecat's page activity

Visits<b>RiftenGuard</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 8:42pm<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 1:17pm<b>SandpitNinja</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 11:25pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:23am<b>EmmaMK</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 8:42am<b>riptor911</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 2:07am<b>NotGabe</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 10:37pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 6:22pm

maddiecat's FML badges

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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maddiecat's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

by Notfamous / 12/02/2015 at 5:18pm / United States (Mississippi) / Money

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

by anon / 11/27/2015 at 3:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

by clumsy / 11/26/2015 at 12:35am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

by anthony / 11/25/2015 at 7:32am / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

by coolest_mom / 11/25/2015 at 1:00am / Kids

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

by sydcaller618 / 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 8:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

by xloverin / 11/14/2015 at 11:23am / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened up to my best friend about my depression. Her response: "If you're so depressed, why don't you just kill yourself?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2015 at 10:51am / Netherlands (Limburg) / Health

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

by MeAgainDr... / 11/13/2015 at 12:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

by anonymous / 11/12/2015 at 7:00pm / Netherlands / Health

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

by Its_Sinon / 11/12/2015 at 3:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous