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Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9799) - you deserved it (38433)
On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23021) - you deserved it (6919)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13951) - you deserved it (20571)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29327) - you deserved it (1895)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7809) - you deserved it (53708)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6709) - you deserved it (47175)
On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6709) - you deserved it (47175)
On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States
Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26555) - you deserved it (42220)
On 01/30/2012 at 12:37am - love - by givingup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27522) - you deserved it (2157)
On 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm - love - by Shelly P. (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5020) - you deserved it (37269)
On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8422) - you deserved it (21058)
On 01/25/2012 at 12:00am - intimacy - by talkingtoaretard (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at Disneyland with a friend. We were watching the light show, and when Tinkerbell came out, we both started crying. Some guy noticed and called us "fucking pussies". FML
I agree, your life sucks (7575) - you deserved it (29115)
On 01/20/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by sharky (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6175) - you deserved it (33128)
On 01/19/2012 at 10:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6127) - you deserved it (25839)
On 01/15/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by CA19oo - United States
Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10015) - you deserved it (34380)
On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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