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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
2day my boyfriend an I were having sex an in the heat of the moment I crid out 4 him to go harder. He had an exasperatd expression on his face, an in an adamantly offendd tone he said, "Don't tell me wat to do." Then he stoppd an left the room. FML
I was aving dinner wit my boyfriend's family... and e was saying ow well is driving lessons r going. During tis conversation is mum told im to "stop blowing yur own trumpet." He replied... "If I could do tat... I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave im a ig-five. FML
TODAY... MY FIANCÉ IS RETURNING OME... SO I DECIDED TO WAX MYSELF... TINKING TINGS WOULD GET INTIMATE. I WARMED TE WAX STRIPS AN SET TEM ON TE COUNTER. OUR CAT JUMPED ONTO TE COUNTER AN MANAGED TO ROLL ONTO ONE OF TE STRIPS. SUFFICE TO SAY... TE WRONG PUSSY GOT A PAINFUL WAXING. FML
Today, I was going to give baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard an spat them out, realizing boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete geniu decided to flush the toilet downstair halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to fine looool a comfortable sitting position. FML
Today, I had to finally accept that mah husband is too large for me . Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except mah private parts can't handle it . After several infections brought on after vaginal tereing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up mah sex life . FML
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with yur boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make u get dressed, and demand what u have to say 4 yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. big fat FML
Today , mah boyfriend an I were in bd making out!! He then trid to unhook mah bra!! After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully , he shoutd ( Fuck you , bra! ) before hiding his face in the pillows!! FML
Today, as I was wasing my boyfriend's fisbowl, te fis did a Nemo an made an unoly leap down te drain. My immediate impulse was to flip te switc. Our kitcen now smells lyk mutilated fis an my boyfriend won't speak to me.
Yesterday, I realized that the place that mah brother and I would find soggy balloon and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitute take their clients. We were blowing up used condom fir a good part of our childhood. FML
Friday 27 March 2015