Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lyssgross

Search for a member

lyssgross
  • Town/Country : Littleton, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2542
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lyssgross : Hey! I'm Lyss, nice to meetcha! I love meeting people, do message me.
I have a wonderful boyfriend, a great family, and I'm really into music. Actually I just got my record deal signed sealed and delivered! I can be a grammar natzi, but on this site I'm here because of my addiction to FML posts. Some will get a random message from me, because I love meeting new people! I love perdix and docbastard, and the one with the Harry potter muggle rainbow thingy as their profile pic. Dang, I need to add some commas. Well, I sing country music and should probably go to bed. It's 3 am. Anyway, have a nifty day!

lyssgross's last visitors

CammyGalTuChiLE_MeXiCaNOWedgietimeJonnyBoy18swick25nubbles10miichiiidieselguy

lyssgross's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of lyssgross's badges

lyssgross's favorite FMLs

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

#322339
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97534) - you deserved it (4906)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by that1guy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49036) - you deserved it (93056)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

#267398
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57286) - you deserved it (4646)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by GreenScar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML

#261877
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52808) - you deserved it (11150)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by epictothemax - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17255) - you deserved it (42047)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56073) - you deserved it (15811)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

#225953
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18526) - you deserved it (58679)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17168) - you deserved it (38248)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64416) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

#94362
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43105) - you deserved it (10833)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:30am - love - by schellbytheseashore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

#24455
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20149) - you deserved it (14165)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29200) - you deserved it (419754)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29200) - you deserved it (419754)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

#11697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72964) - you deserved it (15861)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: