lyssaahmarie

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Offline (the 07/19/2016 at 12:46pm)

lyssaahmarie

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 884
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About lyssaahmarie : idk man i just like pokemon games and anime.

lyssaahmarie's page activity

Visits<b>devildog562</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 2:01pm<b>jackie1357</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 11:45pm

lyssaahmarie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Inception

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Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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lyssaahmarie's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2015 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally hit my husband in the face. Not 2 minutes later, while laying in bed and trying to apologize, I accidentally kneed him in the balls. FML

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML

by NoCnNoJustice / 04/17/2015 at 9:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

by Repethetic / 04/02/2015 at 8:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

by usadisvet / 04/02/2015 at 2:43am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 9:20am / United States (California) / Work

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

by nick / 01/12/2015 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

by GladYoureConcerned / 12/30/2014 at 1:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

by Lexi801 / 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

by ihatejasonderulo / 09/02/2014 at 11:32am / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous