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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34067) - you deserved it (9038)
On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (9436)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61862) - you deserved it (9238)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17526) - you deserved it (1878)
On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42638) - you deserved it (4742)
On 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by doomed (man) - United States (California)
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35992) - you deserved it (7525)
On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51930) - you deserved it (2927)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Arbil)
Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8030) - you deserved it (27397)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:33am - work - by aireun (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55805) - you deserved it (9522)
On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6236) - you deserved it (87688)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24616) - you deserved it (57168)
On 06/16/2009 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by MisterSeth (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54669) - you deserved it (9940)
On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142228) - you deserved it (32736)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45555) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/11/2009 at 8:38am - animals - by prevostsrocklike - United States (Tennessee)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82466) - you deserved it (6583)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 17 June 2013
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