Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lwood0812

Online | Search for a member

lwood0812

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 285
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lwood0812's page activity

Visits<b>kingteefteef</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 1:53pm<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 11:25am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 4:25am<b>daveyyyyh</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 2:46pm<b>christian1509</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 10:11pm<b>muslimpride</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:37pm<b>LifeAlertTwerk</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 9:19am<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 9:04pm<b>cjrust</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:52am<b>Emocuttergirl</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 11:48pm<b>xalex1218</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 2:32am<b>RedNinjaTurtle</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 7:38pm<b>soccerforlife_27</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 5:35pm<b>evalu8tor</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 11:58am<b>maxsing</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:37pm<b>rybaby23</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 2:43pm<b>theomgwoman</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 10:40am<b>Sara95</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 10:39am

lwood0812's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of lwood0812's badges

lwood0812's favorite FMLs

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33680) - you deserved it (2694)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33121) - you deserved it (4526)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33748) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42371) - you deserved it (16032)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went directly from the shopping mall to the hospital. My sister had slammed my hand in the car door, all because I considered purchasing a dress that looked like something she might buy for herself. FML

#21235533
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39238) - you deserved it (2958)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:34am - health - by vicious_fashion (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23392) - you deserved it (35921)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

#21230047
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (51186)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47426) - you deserved it (3697)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39126) - you deserved it (4345)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39606) - you deserved it (13849)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

#21222137
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43010) - you deserved it (4173)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by Yeppets (woman) - United States

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42780) - you deserved it (7967)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41504) - you deserved it (21361)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47143) - you deserved it (10260)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: