lwood0812

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lwood0812

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3419
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lwood0812's page activity

Visits<b>srinathmatti</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 11:50am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Damafia</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 7:25am<b>trisshpham</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 6:19pm<b>CODplayer4lyfe</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:48pm<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 1:35am<b>zcjohnson</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 11:19am<b>tweak2011</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 12:47am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:11pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 1:27pm<b>Sethan01</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 1:04am<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 2:33pm<b>j_mitchell25</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:29pm<b>idkwhatlifeis</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 9:38pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 12:22am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:38am<b>kingteefteef</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 1:53pm<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 11:25am

Fucked!<b>dakatabg</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 5:47pm<b>gingerJ</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 4:38pm

lwood0812's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of lwood0812's badges

lwood0812's favorite FMLs

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2015 at 12:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

by oooooops / 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2015 at 5:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

by ilovecharliesheen / 03/17/2015 at 3:14am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 7:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2015 at 11:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

by actually just constipated.. and stupid / 03/04/2015 at 10:03am / Tunisia / Health

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

by headache / 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous