About lux : D:
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
I agree, your life sucks (113484) - you deserved it (6693)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38913) - you deserved it (6802)
On 06/12/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (81146) - you deserved it (15203)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60115) - you deserved it (13173)
On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68947) - you deserved it (16885)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14824) - you deserved it (43390)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (109327) - you deserved it (5098)
On 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by wtf. (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42218) - you deserved it (5988)
On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (62804) - you deserved it (14105)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (67668)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82176) - you deserved it (6573)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207908) - you deserved it (10117)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89002) - you deserved it (14372)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56344) - you deserved it (33009)
On 04/29/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15372) - you deserved it (35858)
On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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