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lupis08's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML
by Anon / 12/18/2013 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm / Croatia (Licko-Senjska) / Health
Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML
by bnc / 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by FreeChocolate / 12/09/2013 at 8:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by ballplaya52 / 12/08/2013 at 12:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML
by yulis / 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Money
by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2013 at 11:28am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by emirie / 11/14/2013 at 4:33pm / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Kids
Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy
by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…