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lunalay990's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML
by Flora / 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by my dumb bro / 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:14am / United States / Kids
Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML
by Annieisnotokay / 04/17/2013 at 6:20am / United Kingdom / Health
by rawdoglyfe69 / 04/17/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Montana) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Aaronator25 / 04/17/2013 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
by S. Fancyson / 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by ouch / 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML
by notacaveman / 04/16/2013 at 9:27am / Netherlands / Intimacy
Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML
by no compassion / 04/16/2013 at 6:50am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML
by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
- Today I received a phone call for a reservation (I'm a B&B owner) for 12 firefighters (he said they… Today, I decided to mow the lawn. I keep an old pair of sneakers in my shed just for mowing, so I… Today, my boyfriend went to the ER. I ran to catch the nearest city bus. My sandal breaks. I had to…