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Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45517) - you deserved it (7551)
On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42421) - you deserved it (4745)
On 05/11/2013 at 5:19pm - kids - by failure as a parent (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35662) - you deserved it (6076)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43339) - you deserved it (4502)
On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada
Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (5577)
On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33687) - you deserved it (11599)
On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38878) - you deserved it (8015)
On 05/09/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia (Makkah)
Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43374) - you deserved it (2352)
On 05/09/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45611) - you deserved it (3106)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34807) - you deserved it (6302)
On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States
Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52731) - you deserved it (3095)
On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States
Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47237) - you deserved it (3318)
On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53341) - you deserved it (3662)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43798) - you deserved it (2390)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:17am - health - by HamSandwich12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41432) - you deserved it (8697)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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