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Today, mah husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house . When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip . The first question she asked mah husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML
Today , I walkd in on mah boyfriend of 5 yeres getting intimate with mah best friend . When they saw me they immediately stoppd an said nothing . After about 5 second of silence mah boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago . FML
Today I found out my blood type is B. My parents r type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if yur parents r A and O. Tis means I am eiter an adoptee a mutant or an illegitimate cild. FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
Yesterday, I set AIM statu to be the currently-playing file on iTunes . I've downloaded a lot of porn to iTunes, and I wanted to watch some . My statu changed to ( Grl in Latex gets fucked in the ass . ) FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. big fat FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with mah boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess startd openly flirting with him, and askd him if he needd a booster chair for his daughter. FML
Today, I Turnd On My Camera To Find Pictures Of My Dad's Secretary Giving Him A Blowjob. Minutes Later, I Hear A Scream From Another Room As My 12-year-old Sister Discovers Similar Pictures On HER Camera. Mom An Dad Say It's No Big Deal. FML
Today, I was in bd next to the boy I lovd, he had just came and passd out immediately afterwards!! I reachd over to look at mah phone but grabbd his instead and saw a text message from his ex-grlfriend that read "I love you too." FML
Today, I went to work things out with mah girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passd out nakd next to her boss. FML
Friday 27 March 2015