About lstrawberrycake : I'm shit okay?
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lstrawberrycake's favorite FMLs
by Uncomfortable / 05/17/2013 at 3:21am / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 5:22am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
by mel / 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Work
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
by anna / 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by katt_is_here / 10/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was supposed to catch a ride with a friend and go to Warped Tour with her. She called at the last minute to say she was sick, so I told her we didn't have to go. I just got a text saying she just got pictures and autographs with the band I especially wanted to see. FML
by brittgreen / 08/11/2011 at 4:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 07/28/2011 at 1:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
- Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought… Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an… Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in…