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lowj007

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lowj007
  • Town/Country : Miami, Fl
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 633
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lowj007's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39333) - you deserved it (7203)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

#20790528
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19114) - you deserved it (38977)

On 07/18/2013 at 2:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

#20788837
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20174) - you deserved it (35209)

On 07/17/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by igotsbadluck - United States (Tennessee)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (46203)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

#20782525
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22881) - you deserved it (58906)

On 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm - misc - by scheisse (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

#20781189
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46281) - you deserved it (3390)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

#20776430
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44767) - you deserved it (16476)

On 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm - kids - by thanks, Nemo. - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56201) - you deserved it (6634)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

#20764944
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62393) - you deserved it (7358)

On 07/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

#20764172
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37770) - you deserved it (2393)

On 07/04/2013 at 10:26pm - misc - by suspicious (woman) - United States

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55531) - you deserved it (4333)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69908) - you deserved it (6352)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61847) - you deserved it (2810)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)



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