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Today, my grlfriend and I were in the mood fir something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I was at mah boyfriend's househen I got a call from mah parents . They told me to come home immediately . Panicking, I rushd home . My dad pulld out a clear tube filld with drid leaves . They accusd me of having marijuana . It was catnip fir mah kitten . FML
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a wipped cream bra wit cerry nipples, captioned, ( I ope you enjoyed your dinner, now ow about some dessert??? ) I meant to send it to ma fiancé. I sent it by mistake to ma dad. FML
TODAY, IN BREAK FROM TRADITION, I PROPOSED TO MAH BOYFRIEND!! WE WERE AT A JAPANESE PAGODA!! WATER WAS TRICKLING EVERYWHERE; THE MOMENT WAS PERFECT!! WHILE I WAS ON MAH KNEE, AFTER POURING MAH HEART OUT, HE LOOKED WISTFULLY OUT OVER THE WATER AND SAID, "SO, I WAS THINKING PIZZA TONIGHT." FML
Yesterday , I was messing around with mah wife. I grabbed her boobs an said , "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me , mah daughter saw it. Now mah 3-year-old grl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at mah son's school parkd, and the driver got out . I basically leand on mah horn and gave her every dirty look in the book . She said nothing but stard at me as she opend the back of her van to unload her child'sheelchair . I'm an asshole . real FML
TADAY I HAD A SEX DREAM, WHICH I INTERRUPTED BY HAVING AN OCD-INDUCED PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE WEREN'T USING PROTECTION. MY BRAIN WON'T EVEN LET ME ENJOY THE FANTASY ACTION I GET IN MY SLEEP. FML
Friday 27 March 2015