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Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13951) - you deserved it (30659)
On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (2307)
On 10/01/2010 at 3:26pm - health - by unojo08 - United States (Florida)
Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (3227)
On 10/01/2010 at 7:07am - intimacy - by canispankthat - United States (California)
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33626) - you deserved it (3390)
On 10/01/2010 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels and tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18629) - you deserved it (6293)
On 10/01/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37736) - you deserved it (3649)
On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7882) - you deserved it (22874)
On 09/30/2010 at 5:56am - intimacy - by ohyaknow (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13493) - you deserved it (28026)
On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22782) - you deserved it (2031)
On 09/28/2010 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32099) - you deserved it (2225)
On 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Jake - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21375) - you deserved it (3155)
On 09/28/2010 at 12:16pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15931) - you deserved it (1447)
On 09/28/2010 at 10:03am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25497) - you deserved it (2212)
On 09/28/2010 at 7:37am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21146) - you deserved it (2470)
On 09/28/2010 at 12:40am - misc - by bibobobonnor (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7217) - you deserved it (21304)
On 09/27/2010 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Monday 17 June 2013
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