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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 29 October 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 241
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lovehoran's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

by fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt / 08/17/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

by bethanygirl / 10/29/2011 at 3:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

by tLee / 07/19/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

by Abyssal / 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

by lovely321 / 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

by legwarmer / 12/31/2010 at 2:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 2:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

by shmelly / 04/16/2010 at 12:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

by becca1417 / 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

by manlyman / 04/05/2009 at 9:32am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML

by nochance / 03/05/2009 at 11:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

by mat / 01/21/2009 at 1:02am / Miscellaneous