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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I’m your new creative director
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loulumpkin's favorite FMLs
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML
by Ethan_18 / 12/14/2012 at 12:10am / United States / Kids
Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 7:51pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML
by AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone / 12/13/2012 at 9:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
by catlover / 12/13/2012 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by allbrokeup / 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love
by Chuffy / 12/01/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML
by N / 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
by ronboy / 11/26/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by Teddy / 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Blake Lawrence / 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Utah) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..."… Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My… Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later,…