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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen mah debit card and maxd it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to looool change the addres on the card, so everything they bought online has been shippd to me. The bad news? I've receivd 16 snuggie so far, and I'm still counting. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming an crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room cuz the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. fat FML
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stond and passd out in our dog's bd. My dad was drunk, yelling ( who's yur daddy ) at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, ( what the hell happend to my life ) look on her face. FML
2day I woke up to mah 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walkd into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
TODAY, I FELL ASLEEP IN MAH LAST PERIOD CLASS. WHEN I WOKE UP MAH TEACHER SAID "YOU MISSD YUR BUS". I GRABBD ALL MAH STUFF AND RAN OUT THE ROOM. MY CLASS MATES WERE STANDING OUTSIDE THE CLASS LAUGHING. WE STILL HAD AN HOUR LEFT IN CLASS. REAL FML
Today... I fell asleep in class. Usually... people just sit still when asleep. Nope... not me. Not only had I been violently rocking an nodding mah head... the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML
Today... As I Arrived At Mah House After A Two Week Holiday... I Opened The Door And Heard Footsteps Upstairs... I Went Up And Found Mah Boyfriend Naked In Bed. We Had Great Sex And Afterwards I Found Mah Best Friend Naked In The Wardrobe. Turns Out They'd Had Great Sex Also. Big Fat FML
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demandd a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shout "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shout "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. mega FML
Today.. . I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road . The car in front of me decidd to merge over . It kickd up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through mah open window . I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot . FML
Today, mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay an that friend was lover. After 15 agonizing minute of this, we get to practice only to be greeted by shirtles friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, u hit me hard last night."
Friday 27 March 2015