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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
I agree, your life sucks (15392) - you deserved it (1908)
On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7894) - you deserved it (26068)
On 10/13/2012 at 2:45am - health - by lalalalainie - United States (California)
Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15060) - you deserved it (1637)
On 10/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by whatadaydanny (man) - Dominica
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (4938) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/21/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by minibuch1505 - Sent from mobile version
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48504) - you deserved it (1983)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23077) - you deserved it (4578)
On 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm - love - by hannah (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20383) - you deserved it (4671)
On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25500) - you deserved it (1992)
On 08/26/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (1109)
On 08/18/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17580) - you deserved it (1652)
On 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm - misc - by Carrie G. (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20295) - you deserved it (1589)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Lilragu97 - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8862) - you deserved it (31271)
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23861) - you deserved it (2632)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16564) - you deserved it (4291)
On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom
Monday 17 June 2013
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