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longsweetminute

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longsweetminute
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longsweetminute's favorite FMLs

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

#17088457
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28835) - you deserved it (6174)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10975) - you deserved it (47514)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

#16879912
557 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62866) - you deserved it (6538)

On 06/27/2011 at 10:56am - intimacy - by footfood (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

#16724592
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13634) - you deserved it (50507)

On 06/18/2011 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Khrixas_069 - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39048) - you deserved it (8791)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

#16693545
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23643) - you deserved it (4942)

On 06/16/2011 at 10:43am - intimacy - by - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

#16501427
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (29202)

On 06/04/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

#16249846
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26711) - you deserved it (13699)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:46am - misc - by stranded (woman) - United States

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (9881)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

#15940298
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44870) - you deserved it (7757)

On 04/26/2011 at 9:20pm - money - by Chad - United States

Today, my boss friend requested me on Facebook. My profile picture is of me licking his employee of the month picture for a dare. FML

#15796408
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9089) - you deserved it (43648)

On 04/15/2011 at 3:51pm - work - by asdfjkl (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43613) - you deserved it (13065)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52798) - you deserved it (26716)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31359) - you deserved it (5398)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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