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longsweetminute's favorite FMLs
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by future burger flipper / 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by chickenmcnuggetgirl / 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm / Ireland (Meath) / Intimacy
by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by DontGetSlapped / 02/17/2013 at 7:24pm / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 9:55pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love
by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy
by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch / 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML
by Whipped Cream / 11/24/2012 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…