lonelybirthday

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Offline (the 06/21/2015 at 3:59pm)

lonelybirthday

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 July 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 512
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About lonelybirthday : What do you want to know about me? Favorite book? Average amount of sarcasm I use in a typical sentence? What warm beverage I enjoy most on a bone chilling January day? Feel free to ask.

lonelybirthday's page activity

Visits<b>SmittyJA24</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Wutdafuqq</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 10:04pm<b>Kylz</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 9:27pm<b>moomimamoo</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 4:57am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 3:36pm<b>sailing_is_life</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 1:57pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:18am

lonelybirthday's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of lonelybirthday's badges

lonelybirthday's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 9:58am / United States / Love

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

by mislead / 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

by TuT / 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm / France / Love

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

by give me an F / 01/05/2014 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

by british_babe / 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

by nextcontestant16 / 11/19/2012 at 10:12am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm / United States / Work