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lolly_bags's FML badges
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lolly_bags's favorite FMLs
by lawoman27 / 07/01/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
by dad / 06/29/2009 at 12:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML
by WitchQueenLiz / 06/28/2009 at 4:25am / United States (California) / Work
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
by xero_art / 06/26/2009 at 5:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML
by Tygastyle / 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Dumbass / 06/20/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by slukaa / 06/13/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML
by bryans_fresh / 06/12/2009 at 7:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML
by fmlprobot / 06/04/2009 at 7:48pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
by Mew / 06/04/2009 at 8:07am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML
by whatzthehell / 06/03/2009 at 6:31am / Kuwait / Work
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
by Higgs / 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML
by Heather / 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Holidays
by T-Shain / 05/31/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous