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lolle_p0p

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lolle_p0p

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  • Number of visits : 5006
  • Number of comments : 374
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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lolle_p0p's favorite FMLs

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36950) - you deserved it (12397)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28183) - you deserved it (5955)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46045) - you deserved it (3928)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48266) - you deserved it (5832)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29148) - you deserved it (5997)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30690) - you deserved it (22722)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5868) - you deserved it (50800)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

#20063555
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18807) - you deserved it (2532)

On 09/08/2012 at 6:39pm - work - by me - United States

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32510) - you deserved it (10147)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19186) - you deserved it (3339)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

#20001897
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (3656)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:35am - misc - by llaurenmariee - United States

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

#19991371
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23481) - you deserved it (6059)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

#19775442
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19889) - you deserved it (7340)

On 06/12/2012 at 6:34am - misc - by perfectman (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

#19734660
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (6018)

On 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by BooBabe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

#19601147
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23767) - you deserved it (9918)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by reddd - United States



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