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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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lolbitch

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lolbitch
  • Town/Country : Lakewood, U.S.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 1 January 1988 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 44249
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About lolbitch : loves a hilarious story.

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Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

#3692539 (294)

I agree, your life sucks (38593) - you deserved it (8709)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithfull to. A random girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

#3496673 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (61398) - you deserved it (2702)

On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

#3394819 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (9305) - you deserved it (29597)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Beccarr - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

#2235853 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (46723) - you deserved it (2863)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (9882) - you deserved it (43256)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (57816) - you deserved it (5876)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (29946) - you deserved it (16010)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

#2036328 (54)

I agree, your life sucks (32364) - you deserved it (1819)

On 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by gameguy3424 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

#1971558 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (43397) - you deserved it (7691)

On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

#1955875 (305)

I agree, your life sucks (19054) - you deserved it (31691)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

#1933691 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (17360) - you deserved it (40081)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

#1929776 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (19259) - you deserved it (47829)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

#1923265 (397)

I agree, your life sucks (86762) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (52986) - you deserved it (3457)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

#1898485 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (2473)

On 05/13/2009 at 8:36am - misc - by albert (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)