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lokiitababii69

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lokiitababii69
  • Town/Country : glen cove, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 September 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 859
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 39 posted

About lokiitababii69 : Finally Prince Charming & I are married

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lokiitababii69's favorite FMLs

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37486) - you deserved it (2020)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23057) - you deserved it (12148)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33320) - you deserved it (2379)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (5619)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

#19995628
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52254) - you deserved it (9696)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20512) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

#19939596
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31043) - you deserved it (36476)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30242) - you deserved it (3259)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30684) - you deserved it (3891)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

#19763294
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28511) - you deserved it (4641)

On 06/10/2012 at 12:13am - intimacy - by rachiej8 - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

#19745357
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21768) - you deserved it (2846)

On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

#19717228
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26272) - you deserved it (6124)

On 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by dating a manchild (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27553) - you deserved it (6902)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

#19687199
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28847) - you deserved it (2239)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (29330)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)



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