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Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17484) - you deserved it (50177)
On 05/22/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97028) - you deserved it (8081)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140774) - you deserved it (32142)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10963) - you deserved it (50425)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (88224) - you deserved it (6565)
On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100881) - you deserved it (3611)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (526807) - you deserved it (319519)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (172013) - you deserved it (24860)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139439) - you deserved it (1319)
On 03/14/2009 at 9:44am - money - by stillpoor (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (116061) - you deserved it (11106)
On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75626) - you deserved it (10588)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - intimacy - by Noname - Philippines (Cebu City)
Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (58441) - you deserved it (7194)
On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50524) - you deserved it (2016)
On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by nannynomore (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (461680) - you deserved it (573518)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (173482) - you deserved it (12037)
On 03/07/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by shit_upon_literally (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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