Best web site. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39407) - you totally deserved it (9121)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39820) - you totally deserved it (1497)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44955) - you totally deserved it (1933)
On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
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On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you totally deserved it (13614)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13948) - you totally deserved it (72066)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm - intimacy - by insideout (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
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On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you totally deserved it (87358)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (133970) - you totally deserved it (7238)
On 03/23/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by VinnyGoombots (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
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On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
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On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
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On 03/02/2009 at 2:01pm - misc - by EPICfml. (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school. I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food. FML
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On 03/02/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by SugarFree4Life (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML
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On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - love - by Ma.Sa.La. (woman) - United States (Maryland)
