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Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of themho was quite attractive . He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face . He apologized, and I then 4 some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
Today , I was at the grocery store , waiting in line to pay. A man jumpd me from behind , an my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discoverd my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work , an he was trying to hug me. real FML
Today, I Was Cleaning The Windows At Work An A Guy Walked In So I Opened The Door For Him . After I Opened The Door, He Stood There With His Eyes Closed An His Arms Open . I Thought He Wanted A Hug So I Hugged Him . Apparently He Wanted Me To Spray Him With Windex . Real FML
Today, I called mah wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant . She didn't answer . Instead she showed up at mah work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off mah desk . FML
Today, mah grlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I startd typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressd the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
Today, I found out that mah wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts an screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out an bought a box fir her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. big fat FML
Today,ile in Walmart, I noticed an old mano ad been following me 4 about five minutes!! I politely pulled over wit ma cart and smiled at im so e could pass!! He ten said wit a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at ma butt now?" It's te most attention I've gotten in weeks!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015