I'm on here way too much... I'm such a weirdo. :)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
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On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born "I stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML
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On 08/05/2009 at 4:30pm - misc - by frustrated - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML
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On 08/05/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by some_girl_19 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my mom was really mad at me and I was driving her to the grocery store. As she was coming out, I decided to be a good daughter and drive right up to the door so she doesn't have to walk to the car. I ran her over. FML
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On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML
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On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML
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On 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by andi0804 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States
Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 10:40pm - money - by arghhh (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by amburrr (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by epicfail (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to change things up by having sex on her trampoline in her backyard. After about an hour of some of the best sex I've ever had, my girlfriend turns to me and says "I hope my dad didn't see us." He was out there mowing the lawn. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by jumper243 (man) - United States (California)
