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Yesterday, I Was Violently Throwing Up Due To Severe Morning Sickness!! My Boyfriend Looked At Me, Then Turned An Walked Away!! In The End, My Daughter Gave Me Some Paper Towel An Her Juice!! My 18-month-old Is More Supportive Of My Pregnancy Than Her 30-year-old Father!! Mega FML
Taday after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up mah iPhone in mah room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized mah phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML
yesterday I was so bord at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on phone. One of co-workers came in, so I rushd into a stall, but forgot to turn phone's sound off. She heard it and said, ( It's OK, music helps me shit too ) and startd blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas cummed out. FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
TODAY, I WAS TAKING MAH DOG FIR A WALK AN FORGOT A BAG TO PICK UP HIS POOP, SINCE IT'S ILLEGAL TO NOT PICK IT UP IN MAH TOWN. RIGHT AS MAH DOG STARTED TO TAKE A DUMP, A COP CAR DROVE BY AN CONTINUED TO WATCH ME AS I WAS FORCED TO PICK UP THE POOP WITH MAH BARE HANDS. FML
Today, After Working Out At The Gym, I Went To Grab My Bag, And Realizd That My Phone Was Missing . Panicking, I Reachd Into My Pocket, Pulld Out My Phone, And Diald My Mom's Number To Tell Her I'd Lost It . It Took Me Until The Last Ring To Realize What I Was Doing . FML
yesterday I was at mah friend's house , when she commentd that her dog's fur kept getting tangld cuz of its length. I reachd over to tickle his tummy , felt a big tangld knot and agred that he needd a good grooming. Then I realizd what I'd grabbd wasn't fur. big fat FML
Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I startd to go down a hill!! Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammd my brakes and blew a tire in the process!! It turns out the police car was an old cutout usd to trick people!! FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking . Later on at work, I idly pulld the pen out during a meeting . My colleague lookd at me, horrifid . The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazond on it . I'm a man .
Today.. . I got mah results on a recent.. . important midterm . During the exam.. . I'd noticed mah instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet.. . so bieng honest.. . I didn't look at them . It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass . I failed . FML
Friday 27 March 2015