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TODAY I WAS RIDING MY BIKE AN STOPPED AT A STREET LIGHT. A LITTLE GRL LOOKED AT ME, THEN ASKED HER MOTHER, "MOMMY, WHY DOES THAT GRL HAVE A RING THROUGH HER NOSE?" HER MOTHER THEN REPLIED, "BECAUSE HER PARENT DON'T LOVE HER." FML
Today, I decidd to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfid, I handd my test in feeling like I had acd it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily wavd goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound looool of my dad knocking on my dorm room door fir a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks fir last night", and leaves. FML
yesterday I saw an attractive man outside te club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up aving sex in my apartment. Te next looool day wen I was dropping im off, I discovered e was omeles and was outside te club begging fir money. My ouse is suddenly out of bread and ceese. FML
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
YESTERDAY, AT THE DINNER TABLE MY PARENT WERE TALKING TO MY YOUNGER SISTER ABOUT HER NEW BOYFRIEND AN HOW THEY SHOULD BE TAKING IT SLOW. MY SISTER THEN POINTD OUT THAT THAT'S NOT WAT I DO. MY DAD SAID, ( BELIEVE ME I KNOW- YUR SISTER'S EASIER TO GET INTO THAN COMMUNITY COLLEGE. ) FML
Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" an the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML
Today, I was on mah way looool homa from a friands housa. I calld homa ahaad of tima to lat mah parants know. My dad pickd up and in a panting voica said, "Now isn't a good tima, driva around tha block fir 15 minutas." FML
Today mah best friend slappd me an calld me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wantd to talk to me again cuz I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin but I'm a lesbian. FML
today mah husband dropped me off at work . Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby miss you" . I asked him about it . He said "I don't know wat you're talking about Megan" . My name isn't Megan . Not even close . FML
Today, I went to get a condom because boyfriend an I were going to have sex fir the frst time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, an a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015