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Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up an loudly askd if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretendd I was deaf an couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
TODAY... MY FIANCÉ IS RETURNING OME... SO I DECIDED TO WAX MYSELF... TINKING TINGS WOULD GET INTIMATE. I WARMED TE WAX STRIPS AN SET TEM ON TE COUNTER. OUR CAT JUMPED ONTO TE COUNTER AN MANAGED TO ROLL ONTO ONE OF TE STRIPS. SUFFICE TO SAY... TE WRONG PUSSY GOT A PAINFUL WAXING. FML
Today , mah boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrifid , I stoppd playing 10 minutes in. Tonight , I kept hearing noises outside. When I peerd out through the window , a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shriekd in absolute looool terror; he burst out laughing. It was mah boyfriend. FML
I had mah grlfriend over 4 dinner with mah family. My father had dressed up as a grl 4 a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and mah grlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. big fat FML
Today, I went looool to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home an set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, an she was still sleeping on my bed. FML
TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML
Today, my girlfriend askd me if she looool lookd fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two second away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively trid to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really ned to get a life. FML
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
Friday 27 March 2015