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by PangolinScholar / 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
by ouharguohargssdf / 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML
by kitkat3308 / 09/27/2013 at 2:20am / United States / Love
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 4:06am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
by fuckshitcockwaffle / 05/31/2013 at 10:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by turdtonomor9 / 05/12/2013 at 10:08am / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML
by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Leyla / 07/14/2012 at 3:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML
by friend / 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Kids
by Jonas / 06/06/2012 at 1:00am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my hatred for IKEA reignited when I rammed my knee into my hotel bathroom's plexiglass counter top while I was drying myself off. Their interior designer must have have been suffering brain damage when she matched everything with the floor tiles. FML
by Skyra / 03/02/2012 at 4:06pm / Portugal (Setubal) / Health
by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
- Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people.… Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old… Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my…