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lissa_jade

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lissa_jade

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lissa_jadelissa_jade
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1465
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 3 posted

About lissa_jade : i'm melissa.
22 year old student at UNO.
criminal justice/pre-med major and lover of all things chocolate.

lissa_jade's page activity

Visits<b>joejoe1415</b> - 9 hours ago<b>michaelm1290</b> - 22 hours ago<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 3:42am<b>Llama_Man2000</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 3:50pm<b>travisrwr</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Furby94</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 3:38pm<b>lotr4</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 7:14pm<b>gis0392</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:39pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 3:10pm<b>lillirose10490</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 11:19pm<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 8:17pm<b>LolxMe</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 2:54pm<b>miianah1</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:12pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 4:53am<b>why_teh_hell</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 3:25pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 8:27am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:10pm<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 3:12am

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lissa_jade's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16404) - you deserved it (30093)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40958) - you deserved it (25783)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (4524)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

#21213104
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47745) - you deserved it (6802)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm - love - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49448) - you deserved it (9301)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36419) - you deserved it (12295)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48824) - you deserved it (6384)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48916) - you deserved it (4335)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46924) - you deserved it (5500)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51564) - you deserved it (6252)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45547) - you deserved it (5940) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML



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