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liquidbacon

Offline (the 10/21/2014 at 9:24am) | Search for a member

liquidbacon

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liquidbacon's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49304) - you deserved it (4706)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

#21255774
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36230) - you deserved it (3474)

On 09/10/2014 at 4:15pm - misc - by Crash (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38042) - you deserved it (3449)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50619) - you deserved it (6626)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

#21205700
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42344) - you deserved it (4127)

On 07/11/2014 at 2:04am - health - by Useless training - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41497) - you deserved it (3612)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

#21200981
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44019) - you deserved it (4972)

On 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

#21200980
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44337) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52934) - you deserved it (7992)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49162) - you deserved it (4473)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by zl5 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

#21197788
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48843) - you deserved it (6199)

On 07/03/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by AJL - United States

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

#21197297
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48705) - you deserved it (4142)

On 07/03/2014 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

#21195553
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39053) - you deserved it (10425)

On 07/01/2014 at 9:20pm - love - by devdevdev (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML



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