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linzlina

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linzlina

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  • Number of visits : 224
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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linzlina's FML badges

Consolation prize

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YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

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linzlina's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32224) - you deserved it (3363)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

#21275769
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28280) - you deserved it (7815)

On 10/11/2014 at 7:04pm - misc - by ojskyguy - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51006) - you deserved it (4916)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38255) - you deserved it (6012)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48268) - you deserved it (4544)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54373) - you deserved it (3665)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (4253)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (17434)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

#21196202
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45897) - you deserved it (26185)

On 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by boob sisters (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

#21171761
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41423) - you deserved it (9963) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/12/2014 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

#21171266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (5115)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)



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