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Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48714) - you deserved it (7081)
On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72278) - you deserved it (2650)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47095) - you deserved it (129098)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML
I agree, your life sucks (57270) - you deserved it (3424)
On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (58174) - you deserved it (15637)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57269) - you deserved it (4559)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by InsideActress (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16635) - you deserved it (58094)
On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13692) - you deserved it (109715)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63651) - you deserved it (16120)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (47305) - you deserved it (4234)
On 04/03/2009 at 10:07pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18129) - you deserved it (55872)
On 04/03/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by healey16 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48283) - you deserved it (4019)
On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (129528) - you deserved it (18287)
On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46811) - you deserved it (7685)
On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56909) - you deserved it (2074)
On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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