lincolnkite

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lincolnkite

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 864
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About lincolnkite : I am just a college kid, living each day to the fullest. I like to read FML's and laugh.

lincolnkite's page activity

Visits<b>sarahhhl</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 9:02am<b>sleepy_fires</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 12:01am<b>briannaaaleighhh</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 9:47pm<b>zearow</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:59pm<b>chinaski7628</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 12:35am<b>Rozza17</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 2:40am<b>raphanne</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 3:43am<b>jgriff79</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 12:31am<b>why_teh_hell</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 2:44am<b>Marckkun</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 6:49pm<b>RootedPumpkin</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 12:12pm<b>amsisi13</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 8:39pm<b>guitardedmetal</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 7:15pm<b>xFairyBerryx</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 6:38pm<b>powerkeep</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 2:58pm<b>DeidaraAkatsuki</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 2:13pm<b>Squirrel1256</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 12:53pm<b>Disobey</b> - the 04/16/2013 at 6:59pm

lincolnkite's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of lincolnkite's badges

lincolnkite's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML

by madden2014 / 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 11:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

by nosey / 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Animals

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

by Birdwatcher / 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

by etmerda / 07/12/2012 at 6:31am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

by Julie is in pain / 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

by bronieswillrule5eva / 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Work

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

by anonymous / 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous