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limeygirlmecom's favorite FMLs

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79423) - you deserved it (4082)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46273) - you deserved it (5624)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9373) - you deserved it (29416)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12725) - you deserved it (23039)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

#19276451
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25456) - you deserved it (2275)

On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22161) - you deserved it (18307)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

#19239456
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14377) - you deserved it (49899)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

#19204484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8129) - you deserved it (27293)

On 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by argh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15740) - you deserved it (29072)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

#18490582
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8963) - you deserved it (40864)

On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

#17749622
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31554) - you deserved it (5679)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Scott - United States (California)

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

#17531478
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (2141)

On 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by lala7 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (47445)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

#16354230
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37351) - you deserved it (21718)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:55am - intimacy - by Motionless (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46327) - you deserved it (8921)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)



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