lilyisme1324

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lilyisme1324

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 675
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About lilyisme1324 : Who really reads these I mean comeon for real who gives 2 shites anyway

lilyisme1324's page activity

Visits<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 5:35pm<b>KobeLebroJordan</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 2:38am<b>Nat52482</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 11:18am<b>pait_loves_shane</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 11:22pm<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 7:16am<b>swick25</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:42am<b>dimos4ever</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 7:18pm<b>ToxicSilence</b> - the 11/18/2013 at 9:12pm<b>rosenkrieger223</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 9:57pm<b>CaptainPickles72</b> - the 02/23/2012 at 7:34pm

lilyisme1324's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

lilyisme1324's favorite FMLs

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

by waitwhat / 03/18/2012 at 4:46pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

by Jacklyn / 03/18/2012 at 3:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

by unendowed / 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

by stuff2710 / 03/04/2012 at 7:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

by amythest / 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML

by sarah / 02/11/2012 at 1:36am / United States / Love

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

by annon / 02/11/2012 at 1:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love