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Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45937) - you deserved it (20987)
On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43209) - you deserved it (2799)
On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44564) - you deserved it (6101)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34576) - you deserved it (3695)
On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (13842)
On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23512) - you deserved it (2704)
On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22257) - you deserved it (2620) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 06/10/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonyme - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42221) - you deserved it (7301)
On 04/25/2011 at 9:49am - love - by Jade (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39392) - you deserved it (12271)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15787) - you deserved it (598)
On 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52085) - you deserved it (8881)
On 05/08/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by man (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53954) - you deserved it (1869)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33371) - you deserved it (9594)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43802) - you deserved it (35583)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 17 June 2013
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