lillord55

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Offline (the 02/22/2015 at 10:02pm)

lillord55

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1931
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lillord55's page activity

Visits<b>Princess_Ash12</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 1:30am<b>Tarlachia</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 9:41pm<b>Demonyx</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 2:42am<b>ems81193</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 8:47pm<b>KittehFreak</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 7:00pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 10:51pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 9:39pm<b>juanschwartz</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 8:32pm<b>wellfuuucckme</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 6:37pm<b>kered_iz_kool</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 9:56pm<b>Faith13</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 8:40pm<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 3:09pm<b>MaliaA</b> - the 04/24/2013 at 10:17pm

lillord55's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of lillord55's badges

lillord55's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

by grandson of a p.o.s. / 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

by Nightmare / 01/15/2013 at 9:41am / Kids

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

by Helen / 11/10/2012 at 5:15am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

by kat / 10/31/2012 at 7:30am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

by KidKillah / 09/01/2012 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health