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About lilikawaii : My name is Lili :) I'm just here to relax and have a laugh after a long day. ^__^ I love my boyfriend, my puppies, reading, and playing my apple ukulele.
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yesterday I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on 4 6 years . Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on . As soon he got it on, he came . I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again . He said, ( No thanks . I'm good . ) FML
Today , I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet , 4 my English class. After looking around 4 half an hour , I asked the librarian. "I couldn't fine Shakesperee anywhere. Where could I fine him?" She quickly replied "He's dead" , giggled to herself , and went back to her work. FML
Today , while at mah friend's house , I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming , I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML
Today, I cummed home to find mah drunken father sitting on our front lawn!! He had a blanket, lit candle, an was singing with his eyes closed!! He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel!! Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, an yelling "praise the lord!" FML
Today, my mom was going through the newspaper an cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons an the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML
Today, at dinner, mah grandmother informd us that mah cousin's newborn baby has been having siezures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replid, ( It's not a siezure if your shaking it. ) FML
looool I went wit ma family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned ouse !! We noticed te people ad left a lot of stuff biend so we loaded up te car wit books, records, etc !! As we were leaving, we saw te familyo lived tere drive up !! I robbed a ouse wit ma grandma !! FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter!! I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do u have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing!! FML
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me an my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML
Today, ma girlfriend of looool 2 yeres broke up wit me because se said I was more of a woman tan se was. I yelld out, "I HATE YOU!" an startd to cry. Se ten took a tampon out of er purse, andd it to me, laugd, an walkd away. fat FML
yesterday I moved into mah new apartment and met mah new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
Friday 27 March 2015