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lilbeast0327

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lilbeast0327

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 27 March 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2136
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lilbeast0327's page activity

Visits<b>hunteryager</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 3:14am<b>Elle_ShellBelle</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 11:32pm

lilbeast0327's FML badges

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Consolation prize

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lilbeast0327's favorite FMLs

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36638) - you deserved it (2578)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48031) - you deserved it (9611)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42955) - you deserved it (5405)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53790) - you deserved it (3917)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36514) - you deserved it (6676)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

#20520975
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10338) - you deserved it (51194)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

#20520338
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36336) - you deserved it (8009)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (10353)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

#20513411
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (2241)

On 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by Sigh (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

#20513405
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40795) - you deserved it (2781)

On 02/19/2013 at 12:05pm - misc - by SchoolSucks (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33749) - you deserved it (7726)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38609) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29621) - you deserved it (27422)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33700) - you deserved it (2635)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40235) - you deserved it (9581)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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