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Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4518) - you totally deserved it (29066)
On 02/05/2010 at 5:35am - love - by hickey (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8184) - you totally deserved it (1751)
On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2901) - you totally deserved it (5873)
On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10342) - you totally deserved it (1495)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9239) - you totally deserved it (784)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6453) - you totally deserved it (3154)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5739) - you totally deserved it (1476)
On 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6913) - you totally deserved it (7782)
On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
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