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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (27681)
On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (3192)
On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10196) - you deserved it (22689)
On 07/13/2012 at 3:37am - love - by r4inb0wbrit3 (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18396) - you deserved it (1591)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm - work - by Ian Artis - United States
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15134) - you deserved it (4173)
On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20048) - you deserved it (2360)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:12pm - money - by eggmarie - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5183) - you deserved it (22471)
On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16787) - you deserved it (6242)
On 07/10/2012 at 11:27am - misc - by Username (man) - United States
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10549) - you deserved it (20829)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18777) - you deserved it (1308)
On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (2014)
On 07/09/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by wetandnaked (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (2814)
On 07/08/2012 at 9:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46638) - you deserved it (220)
On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14416) - you deserved it (2560)
On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (1265)
On 07/08/2012 at 2:58am - misc - by JadedBaker (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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