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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18121) - you deserved it (1625)
On 09/02/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by ImOverHere (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11008) - you deserved it (5881)
On 08/31/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by baconlady (woman) - United States
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26047) - you deserved it (1530)
On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19932) - you deserved it (4784)
On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22640) - you deserved it (4090)
On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17369) - you deserved it (1307)
On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25265) - you deserved it (1984)
On 08/26/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12285) - you deserved it (1392)
On 08/26/2012 at 12:18am - misc - by AmyLeigh - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14833) - you deserved it (2395)
On 08/23/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by fet (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9761) - you deserved it (4428)
On 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by mr_flarpin (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18000) - you deserved it (1780)
On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21763) - you deserved it (1118)
On 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm - misc - by jannister (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (6199)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4459) - you deserved it (32269)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (1979)
On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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