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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22550) - you deserved it (2884)
On 05/22/2011 at 8:18am - misc - by Greig - United States (Ohio)
Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10303) - you deserved it (28223)
On 05/20/2011 at 3:38pm - work - by rioght onnn - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21336) - you deserved it (10599)
On 05/20/2011 at 6:07am - misc - by Max Flynn -
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32637) - you deserved it (11381)
On 05/20/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by skiittlez713 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (5827)
On 05/20/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23253) - you deserved it (2892)
On 04/19/2011 at 12:30am - health - by norestforthewicked -
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47509) - you deserved it (21371)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62308) - you deserved it (11803)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30168) - you deserved it (24883)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23673) - you deserved it (4618)
On 03/04/2011 at 5:57pm - money - by duncanisgey - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26132) - you deserved it (2620)
On 01/15/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19955) - you deserved it (1688)
On 12/25/2010 at 1:33pm - misc - by Connor - United States (New York)
Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (7395)
On 10/09/2010 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26778) - you deserved it (2319)
On 10/06/2010 at 4:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31416) - you deserved it (3044)
On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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